trying to stay sane
by Just an average fanfic
Summary: this is sort of a sherlolly fic but it changes as I continue to write it. John and Mary have had a kid called evie who is twelve and Sherlock often looks after her. molly accidentally tells evie about her love for Sherlock and after that all kinds of secrets start to unravel. let me know what you think :)
1. Chapter 1

It was a cold day some when in the middle of February John and Mary were working and there 12 year old child Evie had no school that day. John had already made arrangements with Sherlock that she would stay with him (much to the disgust of Mary)

John flagged down a taxi and the excited Evie jumped inside shortly followed by John

"221b backers St please" John announced to the diver. And just like that they were off.

"Dad" Evie said after a wile of the two sitting in silence "why doesn't mum like uncle Sherlock?"

John looked down at her and smiled "she does like him sweetie she just gets worried that you won't be safe"

"Oh well I am safe. Yeah uncle Sherlock is amazing!" Evie said with a beaming smile on her face

"Yeah he is" John chuckled as they pulled up outside backers St. John paid the driver and headed towards the black painted door with Evie clinging on To his hand the way she always did. Before he had a chance to knock on the door it flew open and in front of them stood Mrs. Hudson

"Whoa I'm sorry. Hello love you must be here to see Sherlock. Go on up Hun. Would love to chat but must dash off" John smiled as she rushed past him and headed up the stairs with Evie holding tight to the banister as she struggled up the steep steps. They finally reached Sherlock's flat and again before John even knocked Evie had already bounded though the unlocked door and into the room where Sherlock stood hands together pressed to his chin in the way he always did when he was trying to figure something out.

"Hiya uncle Sherlock!" Evie announced

"SHH!" Sherlock hissed

John cleared his throat "Sherlock"

"2 seconds John!" Suddenly Sherlock span round and greeted them both with a smile "hello. Why isn't it my favorite little detective and her house keeper" Evie chuckled at the complement but John barely gave a smile.

"Sorry that we are Late this one could not get sorted in time" John said as the gestured down at Evie who merely poked her tongue out at him and laughed.

"That's okay. Shouldn't you be going John" Sherlock said as he looked absently towards the door

"Yeah probably." John said as he made his way to Evie who was now perched on the edge of the sofa "right be good pumpkin and I will see you later " John planted a kiss on her head and then gestured to Sherlock to follow him as he headed to the door

"Right look after her okay Sherlock?!" A slight anger was rising in Johns voice witch puzzled Sherlock a bit because he had looked after Evie lots of times and John had never been like this

"John you know I always do" Sherlock said bluntly with a sigh

"I know you do. Just never mind" Sherlock just looked at John "fine" john preceded "I will be back at about 7 ish to get her. Byee sweetie see you later" John sang as he poked his head round the door frame towards Evie

"Byee dad. LOVE YOU!"

"Love you too. Behave" Evie gave a hurried nod and a wave as John left giving Sherlock one last stern look.

Sherlock quickly turned on the spot to face Evie who was still sitting on the edge of the sofa. He squinted at her and she did the same back before giving a small laugh at the moment he raised his eyebrow at her

"That's cheating!" She giggled

"No it's not" Sherlock said pleading all innocents. "Right now that I have won what would you like to do today? Oh I know I have this case I need a new pair of eyes on. What do you say?"

(Now I know what you're thinking 1 why the hell ask a 12 year old to help with a case and the answer to that one is she was good at it. She could see things that were to simple for Sherlock and would be an oversight by him and often would make or break the case. Of course John didn't know it was their secret. 2. Well this isn't very Sherlock he is meant to be detached from everyone and everything well with Evie it was odd, for so long John had looked after him and always made sure he was okay and after the whole being 'dead' thingy things had be odd with him and John even after all this time and now Sherlock felt it was his turn to do the looking after and along came Evie all sweet and defenseless it sort of melted him. Any way back to the story)

"Yay. Can I?" Evie replied with squeals of delight

"Sure. Come and plonk up here" Sherlock tapped the desk Evie got up and made her way over before jumping up and sitting down facing the wall where all the different parts and clues of the case were pinned to the wall.

Evie looked at them deep in thought for a while before saying

"What was in his pocket?" Welts pointing at one of the CCTV pictures from an hour before he died.

"What?" Sherlock questioned as he made his way closer to the image

"Look in his jacket pocket. There is a bulge and he has his hand slightly covering it. Must have been important that's all." Evie shrugged

"There was nothing in his pocket" Sherlock said deep in thought."grab your coat we need to pay molly a visit " Evie had barely enough time to grab her coat before Sherlock had disappeared down the stairs by the time she caught up to him he was already standing outside with his arm resting on top of a cab with the door flung open.

"My lady" Sherlock said in a fake posh voice "your chariot awaits"

Evie merrily raised her eyebrow as she clambered into the back seat

"To the morgue please"

The driver looked first at Sherlock then Evie and back to Sherlock as if to say 'you're taking a child to a morgue' but seeing as he didn't say it out loud Sherlock felt it was well within his rights to ignore it. Soon after a few hesitant moments the driver pulled away from b bakers St and of in the direction of the morgue.

Sherlock sat gazing out if the window in to the bustling streets of London. Evie sat facing him slightly twisted in her seat as she watched him in ore. She found him fascinatingly odd; everything he did had a purpose in one way or another. He was so different from her dad but so similar at the same time, the way they spoke was completely different but if you listened closely what they were saying was kind of the same in many ways. Sherlock could see her looking at him but he did nothing. After a short trip they were where they wanted to be. Sherlock paid the cabby and began to head in side leaving Evie trailing behind him as they made their way inside. Sherlock strode into where molly was working.

"Do you still have Mr. Carter?" Sherlock questioned

"What!? Oh hi Sherlock"

"Do you still have Mr. Carter?" Sherlock asks again.

"Umm...yeah. Over here I think" molly strolled over to one of the fridges in the corner and pulled out Mr. cater "what do you want with him anyway?"

"Evie spotted something" Sherlock said as he pointed at Evie who had found a chair by the door. Molly gave a small wave and smile before turning to Sherlock who was now standing over the pale body.

"Umm...Sherlock. She is a child. Why on earth did you bring her here?!" molly said in shock.

"And" Sherlock replied deep in thought.

"She is what 9" molly continued "she should not be in a mortuary"

Sherlock suddenly dashed off

"Look after her for a moment. And she is 12 by the way" before molly could even refuse he was gone.

Evie awkwardly on a chair as molly slid Mr. Carter back into the fridge and shut the door.

Sherlock was gone for a while before molly needed to get on with her work

"Right you just sit there I need to get on with stuff" Evie gave a small nod as molly wondered over to the other side of the room where her laptop was. Molly had barley been working for 15 mines before Sherlock came bursting though the door a huge smile plastered across his face

"Where is she?!" Sherlock exclaimed as the smile disappeared almost as if it was never there

"Who?" molly looked round at the empty seat "shit! Look Sherlock I'm sure she just wondered off. Kids are like that just calm down okay"

"Don't tell me to calm down molly! I promised john that I would look after her. God he is going to kill me! You have got to help me look for her molly!" Sherlock had just finished talking when the door creaked open

"Hey your back!"

"Evie!" Sherlock ran over to her and knelt down "where the fuck did you go!?" he said as he grabbed her shoulders

"Oww! Stop it!" Evie rigged agents his grasp "you're hurting me!" Sherlock suddenly looked at the terror in her eyes and backed away.

"I just went to the loo!" Evie said with tears in her eyes as she rubbed her shoulders.

"WELL DONT RUN OFF. For god's sake Evie!" Sherlock yelled as Evie ran out the open door.

"Sherlock! What did you do that for! You hurt her! That's not like you I know that. What the fuck has gotten in to you!" molly ran out the open door after Evie leaving Sherlock stood in the cold room alone staring at his hands in shock of what he had done.


	2. Chapter 2

Molly retuned to the lab about half an hour later to find Sherlock gone. All that he had left was a note that read

'sorry– S.H'.

Molly stood with the note in her hand for a while welts she thought about what to say to Evie who had only just calmed down

"hey I have got a good idea why don't you hang out with me for a bit. Sherlock says your quite the little detective and I could use some help. You don't have to put your hands in any bodies don't worry about that" molly said with a more then convincing smile on her face

"Sure why not" evie sniffed trying to seem like she didn't just want to go home to her dad. Molly smiled at evie as she walked closer to her.

"look don't worry about Sherlock he is like that sometimes trust me hunnie. I spent most of my time trying to get through to him and even now he still looks right though me at least you know he cares about you and that's more than most. I will let you in on a little secret, you and your dad are the only two people that man has ever been close to like properly. I have known him what 10 years and god knows how long I have been in love with him…" molly trailed off and a sudden flush of redness hit her cheeks "look all I'm trying to say is the reason that he yelled at you is because he cares not because he wants to hurt you. I will take a cab with you back to his after a nice cup of tea and some biscuits what do you say?"

"sure" evie felt more comfortable with awkward molly and even cracked a smile as she followed her down to hall to a small office . molly headed straight for the kettle. She pointed to a small tin that was in the corner

"help yourself. You want one ?" molly said gesturing to the mugs she was getting from the cupboard just above her head. evie shook her head as she settled for two hobnobs and took a seat in the corner. She was soon joined by molly who had a worried expression on her face.

"What did you mean when you said 'god knows how long I have been in love with him'?" evie studied molly's face as her expression worsened "was it about uncle Sherlock" evie questioned again.

"Yeah…" molly looked intensely at her steaming tea as she clutched it tight in to her chest the way children do with their teddies when they are frightened . "but I would much rather your dad and Sherlock don't find out thanks" molly said only looking up at the end of her sentence to ensure that evie was in fact listening.

"don't worry your secret is safe with me" evie joked. Molly smiled at her and the two sat in silence for a while before molly glanced up at the clock.

"right miss we must be getting you back to Sherlock" molly said as she took one more swig from her half full tea before tipping it down the small sink and grabbing her coat from the back of the chair. Evie did the same (without the tea)

They both clambered into the Back of a cab as molly gave the driver the address. Slowly the driver pulled away and molly began to speak but evie's mind was elsewhere. Questions were wising though her head "she is in love with Sherlock" "does he even know" "of Corse he knows he knows everything but maybe he doesn't" "should I tell him? I can't I promised molly" "what am I thinking I have only known her like 5 mins I have to tell him" before Evie had the chance to answer any of her questions the cab slowed to a stop outside 221 bakers St. molly was the first to approach the door with Evie standing by the curb. Mrs Hudson answered the door with a worried expression on her face

"Molly thank god! It's Sherlock I don't know what has gotten into him. He ran up to his flat in a rage and started smashing and throwing things all over the place. Oh dear me. What happened molly he was fine this morning even joyful what went on? And where's Evie?"

"Evie is here. Look after for a moment pleases Mrs Hudson I will go and see if Sherlock is okay." Molly headed towards the stairs as the sound of loud violin music filled the air

"Do you need me to ring john?"

"No no no Mrs Hudson is fine. No need to worry john I will sort it. I'm sure he is just having a funny five" molly continued up the stairs as she herd another loud bang. She hesitated before opening the door.

"Sherlock? I umm I brought Evie back. She is okay just a bit shaken but noting a cupper couldn't fix. Sherlock! Are you even listening to me?" Sherlock sat slumped in his chair just staring at the wall. "God Sherlock grow up she is fine! Look you made a mistake we have all been there it's not like you tried to kill her kids over react and so do you so just man up say sorry and get on with it. And if you're worried about john he doesn't have to know does he. Look Evie is down stairs with Mrs Hudson so it will give you a minuet to sort yourself out okay?" Sherlock looked straight at molly yet it looked as if he didn't see her at all

"Do you think I am a bad person molly?" the look in Sherlock's eyes scared molly and she stood in shock for a moment not knowing how to answer such a simple question. In the end she just settled for a simple "no" Sherlock looked into her eyes and searched for the truth in her words and molly could see this in the way he was actually looking at her not though her. She held his gaze for as long as she could before she had to look away for fear of him seeing though the armour she put on every time she had an encounter with him.

"I umm I need to get back okay. If you need me just throw me a text yeah?" Sherlock nodded and returned his intense stare at the wall. "Right then I will go and save Evie from Mrs Hudson" molly chuckled but was met with silence from Sherlock. "You're okay Sherlock" and with that she left and silence filled the room once again.


	3. Chapter 3

A few minutes sat in silence with Sherlock was too much for Evie to bare

"When did my dad say he is coming to get me?" Evie questioned even though she knew. But still Sherlock was silent not even a glimpse of emotion flickered across his face. The two were again plunged into silence before Evie spoke again "I'm sorry" was all she said but Sherlock turned on her like her apology was somehow an insult

"Why are you sorry? It's me who should be sorry but no I can't be I am incapable of such an emotion. I have said sorry a thousand times but he won't forgive me! Why won't he forgive me!?" Sherlock buried his head in his hands out of embarrassment of his sudden outburst welts Evie sat in silence and looked at him. After a short while she spoke in a clam comforting voice.

"It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done Sherlock. He does forgive you I know he does you are his best friend." Evie said trying to make her words as soft as possible. "Look I'm going to get my dad to come get me now. It was grate seeing you uncle Sherlock and again I'm sorry about… ya know and don't worry I'm not going to say a word. After all there no point in making anything any worse." Evie smiled at him as she made her way toward the door.

"When did you get so grown up" Sherlock chucked a sad kind of chuckle the kind that is meant to hide all other emotion but to those who know the person best fails in its duties.

"Sometimes you have to grow up Sherlock" Evie said in a small whisper as she walked out the door. Sherlock returned his head to his hands and ran them though his hair as he gave a sigh.

About 15 minutes later the familiar sound of johns footsteps came up the stairs, he stood in the door way scowling at Sherlock who was still sat with his head in his hands in the way that suggested that if he was to let go it would fall off and role across the floor. John suddenly read his body language and his frown was replaced with concern.

"You okay?" he questioned cheerily

"Fine" Sherlock replied

"You sure" john persisted

"yes." Sherlock insisted "you're here to get Evie" he continued

"Umm... yeah she rang me. You sure you're alright?" john questioned again and the annoyance on Sherlock's face began to show so john let it go. "Well we best be off then. See you soon and thanks for looking after her she loves it" slowly john left the room with one last glace over to Sherlock and made his way down the stairs.

Sherlock was soon joined by Mrs Hudson who scuttled about as she always did with random tales of her day and the lives of others, she was more then used to Sherlock not listening to her but something was different, not quite right about him but she said nothing. She had learnt not too .she merely made him a cup of tea said and left.

Sherlock sat again in silence before getting up getting his coat and leaving. Not a word to anyone of where he was going just a 'don't wait up' to Mrs Hudson as he strode out the door.

'Where you heading sir' the cabby asked and before he even thought about it molly's address fell from Sherlock's mouth. Sherlock was still unsure why he was there as he knocked on the door but still he did not turn away.

'Sherlock?!' molly exclaimed almost startled 'what are you doing here?!' she questioned

'I'm not quite sure molly. I just knew I had to be here.' Sherlock's voice was a stern as ever but his face told a different story.

'Umm….. Come in just give me a second to clear something up. Just- just wait here' she said as she disappeared inside. Soon there was the sound of raised voices from inside

'ARE YOU KIDDING ME MOLLY!' an unknown male voice boomed

'I'm sorry okay he- he has just had a bad day okay' molly's voice was shaking as she spoke

'HE IS ALWAYS HAVING BAD DAYS THAT'S WHO HE IS! DON'T YOU SEE IT! ARE YOU THAT THICK!' the voice yelled again and Sherlock could hear the tension building

'Look calm down he-'

'I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES OKAY! GET OUT OF MY WAY IM OUT OF HERE' he yelled again witch was soon followed but a scream and a boom. Sherlock immediately stormed inside to find molly in a heap on the floor as the offending man strode out of the room. Sherlock swung at him and clipped him right on the chin which knocked him out right away and sent him hurtling towards the steps. Sherlock stood over the man fists still clenched his anger soon grew in to the expression of horror.

'Sherlock' molly's voice trembled as tears flooded her eyes and trickled down her cheek. Sherlock looked over to her as she stood in the doorway. He fell back agents' the wall as molly ran over to the unconscious man on the stairs.

'Ethan- Ethan can hear me!?' molly chimed as she taped his face. He soon gave a moan as he rubbed his chin and sat up.

'He's a fucking psychopath!' Ethan exclaimed

'High functioning sociopath achy' molly chuckled but her joke was met by silence from both Ethen who had now manoeuvred himself unsteadily to his feet and Sherlock who remained slumped against the wall 'I guess you should be going Ethen, I'm really sorry about tonight.' Molly added apologetically as she showed him to the door.

Molly shut the door behind him and gave a sigh as she looked to Sherlock who was still sat on the floor looking up at molly in the way a child does when they have done something bad and are trying not to get in to much trouble.

'I'm sorry molly' Sherlock sulked

'Its okay don't worry' molly walked over and sat on the floor next to him 'so how can I help?' she questioned with a smile.

'Can I borrow your phone' Sherlock asked

'You are you kidding!' molly exclaimed. Sherlock smiled at her

'Only joking! Got you though' Sherlock smiled. Molly glared at him and lightly nudged his arm as she laughed. Sherlock looked at her laughing and smiled, her laugh could light up even the darkest parts of Sherlock's soul and make them feel warm that's what he liked about her, she made him feel safe. Molly noticed Sherlock looking at her and even as she looked back at him he didn't even try to hide the fact that he was staring at her, they sat there looking into each other's eyes as a flush of red hit molly's cheeks, she looked down at her knees and a small piece of hair fell across her face she looked up again to find Sherlock still looking at her. He raised his hand and tucked the strand of hair behind her ear and said.

'You should where your hair down more often it suits you'

Molly smiled as she got to her feet and headed to the living room. She looked back at Sherlock and asked him if he was coming to sit down.

'You want a tea first' he asked as he struggled to his feet and headed to the kitchen. Molly nodded as she went to sit down.

By the time Sherlock came back molly had curled up in the arm chair and fallen asleep clearly exhausted from the whole ordeal. Sherlock set her cup down on a small table by the chair and settled himself on the sofa. For a awhile he watched her before getting the blanket from the back of the sofa and laying it on top of her. He stood in the door way for a moment unable to take his eyes off of her peaceful face, he began to turn and exit when molly said in a small voice

'you don't have to go, stay the night if you like' she stifled a yawn as she smiled at Sherlock 'I'll go and get a blanket from upstairs if you like' she continued as she started to get up.

'It's okay I can get it you go back to sleep' Sherlock replied as he made his way upstairs. After a bit of hunting he found what he was looking for and made his way as silently as he could down the stairs back to molly who was now back asleep with her hand flung across the arm of the chair and out stretched in the direction on the sofa. Sherlock settled himself under the blanket. He soon found his hand out stretched in the same direction as mollies. Molly's hand twitched as they entwined their fingers. Sherlock and molly fell into the most natural sleep either of them had had in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Sherlock woke the next morning to the faint sound of singing. He quickly remembered where he was and who it must be singing. He sat up; rubbed his neck and took a quick look at his phone; 5 messages and 6 missed calls from john 2 messages and 3 missed calls from Lestrade and 1 message from Evie. He placed his phone back down without even looking at the messages and made his way toward the sound of the singing. He found molly in the kitchen happily singing along to whatever randomness way playing on the radio. Sherlock half contemplated saying hello but he stopped himself, he had never seen this molly, this was not his molly. Sometimes we forget that people have lives when we don't see them that they are different and molly was no exception. It felt right that this molly was not his it reminded him that if he ever did have to leave again and she could not know that she would be okay without him. It didn't take long for molly to spot him standing in the door way.

"Sorry Sherlock did I wake you up?" molly asked as she turned down the radio. Sherlock shook his head with a smile

"You sleep okay?" his voice was barely audible he cleared his throat and tried again "did you sleep okay?" he repeated.

"Yeah best sleep I have had in ages" molly said as she looked at the floor "you?"

"Yes however your sofa is remarkably uncomfortable"

Molly sighed at Sherlock's comment and resented the fact that he was now back to 'normal'

"What?!" Sherlock said sternly

"Thanks would be nice Sherlock. I was on a date unless you didn't notice"

"Yes and it was going terribly well I see. Do all your dates push you into walls or just this one" Sherlock's tone was sharp and threatening.

"That would have never happened if it wasn't for you Sherlock! Why the hell do you care any way! It's not like you care about anyone but john we all know it Sherlock so don't start acting like you do now okay! Not now!" molly was almost yelling at him and the two stood in silence for only a moment but it seemed much more than that. Sherlock took a few steps closer to molly until there was little space between them, molly looked up at him and tried her best to keep his gaze but before long she found herself again looking at the ground. Sherlock placed his hand under her chin and moved her head up wards until she was forced to look at him.

"Why can you never look at me molly?" Sherlock's voice was calm and comforting but Molly moved her head quickly from Sherlock's hand and took a step back.

"You really want to know" she said as she looked at him with dead eyes.

"Well yes" Sherlock said sarcastically "otherwise I would not have asked. You know me molly I try not to concern my self with things that don't matter or I have little interest in"

"Yes I have noticed" molly said bluntly.

"Well..." Sherlock continued

"Well… what?" molly asked sharply.

"Why can't you look at me?" Sherlock repeated

"Why do you care?" molly said sharply

"I do care molly don't be an idiot it doesn't suit you"

"Typical" molly sighed

"What is?"

"You want to know why I can't look at you Sherlock" molly sighed again. Sherlock looked at her calmly with sorrow in his eyes.

"Because every time I do I fall in love all over again!" Tears were now forming in molly's eyes as she spoke and one trickled down her cheek. Sherlock came close to her again and wiped it from her face with his thumb before saying.

"Well for that I am sorry. You deserve so much more molly Hooper" he replied

"But I don't need any more"

"You need so much more" Sherlock said planting a kiss on molly's cheek before turning to the door. Molly kept her eyes fixed on Sherlock's back fighting back tears, her lip shaking.

"I need you" her voice shook as she spoke. Her words stopped Sherlock dead in his tracks. He turned to face her from the other side of the hall molly could see the small shimmer of tears in his eyes as he sighed and looked at her. For what seemed like an eternity they stood silently gazing at each other neither knowing what to say.

"I need you to" Sherlock said so quietly that at first molly was unsure she had even heard it." I need you more then you will ever know molly Hooper" he continued "but I could never put you in the middle of what I do, if you ever came into harm's way I could never forgive myself and that's why I must go now molly. Thank you" he opened the door and as he looked back at molly he smiled, a real smile that was meant just for her. Molly stood smiling at the shut door before returning to the kitchen. She turned the radio back up and began to wash up the dishes from her unfinished date. Soon there was a knock at the kitchen door. Molly turned around puzzled to find Sherlock stood in the door way.

"I forgot my phone" he announced.

"Ooh" molly said puzzled

"And I forgot one more thing" Sherlock continued as he walked the short distance towards her.

"Oh yeah what's that" molly said with a smirk.

"This" Sherlock said as he placed his hands on her cheeks and kissed her deeply. He ran his hands though her hair and placed them on her back. At first molly was a bit taken back by the kiss but just as she began to sink into it Sherlock pulled back and said

"Now I really must be going"

"Just shut up a second" molly smirked and kissed him again. "okay now you can go" she giggled.

"You sure" Sherlock replied jokingly.

"Yes. Now go before I change my mind Mr Holmes" molly playfully scowled at him.

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Sherlock replied.

"Go! John is probably worried sick" molly said laughing up at Sherlock who still had his hands around her waist. Sherlock agreed with her and began to leave.

"Sherlock" molly called after him. Sherlock turned on the spot only to be met with a hand full of bubbles from molly. She surveyed her good work and the bubbles that now covered Sherlock's face "much better" she chuckled "off you go Mr Holmes back to Bakers Street with you"

Sherlock left again and as she shut the front door behind him he smiled. For the first time in a long time he was happy and that was all thanks to molly. But all good things come to an end and this would be a truly tragic end.


End file.
